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X8AvaDahKeDaHvRa8X
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Name: Sakura
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: Brooklyn
Birthday: 12/28/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: :*:Watchin the Tele 24/7»Sleepin as much as I can»goin on the cpu collectin wallpaper n backgroundz n lookin at other pplz xangas»drawing on paper n myself»video gamez»dyin my hair (i want it green!!!)»goin 2 parkz after skool with friendz tryin 2 enjoy my youth»like writin»like poetry a bit»seachin internet 4 stuff on life, death, suicide, (THIS INTEREST DOESN'T MEAN AM SUICIDAL, I LIKE WHAT I LIKE!!!)»goin on my xanga n makin my complains»shoppin 4 shoez»ridin on trainz» Gothic, Punk, n stuff of the DARKSIDE«Love Tattoz n precininz (expect the tongue, nipplez n down south area, but that is just 4 myself) but i only have my ears precies once n fake tattoz n henna«75% anime Fan«100% Harry Potter Fan«100% Michael Jackson (IF YOU HATE, UR CHOSE SO SCREW U!!!) Fan«100% 2PAC Fan«Still a 100% Spice Girl Fan n SCLUB7 Fan, I LOVE: PANIC! AT THE DISCO (OMG THEY R THE BEST),MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE,COLDPLAY,LINKIN PARK,WEEZER, FALL OUT BOYS, GREEN DAY, GOOD CHAROLETTE, ALL AMERICAN REJECTS n Alot Mo
Expertise: «i love musik in other languages like: Japanese, Chinese, Hindu, n more»Luv Japanese ppl n there culture»Asian ppl all just my favorite pplz«History, love it«love all Felinez « like animalz« jumpin rope« «the Sea,beaches,palm treez»takin picutrez«n being between lose n found:*:
::i expertise in knowin alot about history,hp, n all kinda things. n watever else am good at::
Occupation: College Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  tropicalblazez
Member Since:
8/11/2005
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| Since the last entry, my life reached its ultimate devastation when the love of my, Michael Joseph Jackson, had passed away on the 25th of June. Still in shock and disbelief, his memorial was this Tuesday, July 7 at the Staple Center in LA. I wanted more then anything to go. I use to say, if anything happened to Michael, I would go to California to be there for him, but due to money being a constant issue, I was unable to go. I did however, leave work early, ran off the B63 to the 3 train at Bergen, super walked to get 2 VHS tapes, had a taped in my hand already open before I got in and ran to the VCR. I only missed the famliy leaving the private service, but I got in within 12:50, 46mins from leaving the doc's office and it had started at 1pm. It was really beautiful. Again and again, I don't have a big vocabulary so I really don't have any other words to describe it. Simply beautiful is all I can say. Everyone one that was there was respectful and it was just something that Michael deserved. I cried the kind of tears that couldn't affect a empty heart but that had my nose and mouth quivering. By the time I got to the second tape, I figured I would need another so I went out to get 2 more. I missed about 5mins of the memorial to get the tape, but I really thought I needed. I was taping it after all so it was ok. My bf was originally going to tape it for me, but since I got in early then I expected, I told him he could stop. So, when I went outside, it was slightly drizzling bu the sky was so beautiful and scary at the same time. By the time I came out the store with the tapes, the sky was divided in sunny with white flurry clouds and dark blue gray. It looked like something I would see in a painting. I wish I had my camera with me to take a picture of it and maybe paint it sometime, but its always in my memories. Of course, I felt it was a sign from Michael. Seeing things like that in this hell doesn't really happen or I don't notice, so that was rare for a reason. I'm guessing that they have buried him already and completely respect and understand it being private. I would want to be there or see it but I understand. Since the 25th, I feel a emptiness that will always be apart of me, as Michael will be, but things are as every entry, the same. The little patience and tolerance I've had for things, has become even shorter. That isn't going to be good for my future interaction with people but what can I say about it. I need help mentally and emotionally. Been needing help for a years now but like everything else, no chance. My only relief for all this, it going out with my friends or bf. I really don't think of my troubles when I'm with them. I talk about problems but in a joking way. I should have gotten the weekly or 2 week metrocard with my pay but I wasn't sure if I would really be using it like alot. Thats $27 a week and if I do it everyone, that $108 a month. The realization of that much money being taken from my pay for transportation, just doesn't sit while. Everyone 2 weeks would be $102 a month and that is no matter. Getting the montly pass would be $89 dollars a month and that seems to make sense now. So, not check, most likely I'll end up getting it. If I have it, I can be out everyday and that is the only thing I can do to deal with this mess of life. | | |
| Under my ass, 7 days a week, music is blasting below me. It is so fucking annoying. It has gone pass getting on my nerves. Everytime I hear it, I get enraged because it is just way to loud. I have shit falling down in my room. What the fuck can I do? I've called 311, 3 times in the pass 2 months, the police came and each time they came, the music stopped. You would think they would stop after the police came by but still they play their nigger beats. Fearless, motherfuckers. They must be use to it. There is just no solution to this problem and it is in no way, a temporary one. | | |
| I haven't blogged in a while. Anything that has been going on, I just write it in my journal about it but I still got my xanga too. Things lately have been the same. When have I ever wrote about change. Forget Obama and that shit, life is the same for me. I actually got a part-time job in a doc's office as her receptionist. Its alot of work but tis ok. I'm glad to have something but I don't think I'm being paid fairly. I've only been doing it for like 3 weeks but somehow the pay isn't what I excepted. I just don't want to do alot of work for nothing. My reason for working is to have enough money to move out of this Dwelling Hell (my offical name of this place) one day and just be on my own, but this job's pay doesn't seem like it will enough to do anything. I have to use the pay for transportation, which is going up at the end of the month, and other wise just save. Its kind of hard to save because when I see stuff, its like I want everything. I usually waste the money on outside food. In the mornings, I don't really have time to eat, so I buy breakfast from Dunkin Donuts or MacDonalds. DD is cheaper but Mac breakfast is MMMM good. I'm not even a fan of Mac otherwise. My taste buds have grown out of it but the breakfast to me is the best. Anyways, I will just have to get up earlier to end whatever crap is here so I can save. So, as for working, I'm going to still look around for another one job. I don't care if I over work myself because I got to get out of here by necessary. Just to be out of here is great. If I can make it a everyday thing, I will try. I got alot more to say but eh, maybe later. | | |
| It's just so so so hard to be positive. I was just sitting here playing Sims again and I just felt the need to type that. What sparked it was the constant stompping up stairs. I just don't know how to deal with the living situation I'm in. The blasting of music from the niggers next door and below, and above with the stompping. Lucky to have a roof over my head, yeah, but I don't know how much more of the roof I can take. Ungoing struggle going on 4 years now. Just can't getting over moving and the life I had. How things have been since September till now is pretty life changing. I sometimes feel if things where the same, if I would calm down about things, I could be happy but then again I really don't know. Being positive to me, is being ultimately false. There are obvious things that make you truly happy but just always being the way is good. Always being negative is either, but its more of a real feeling for me to not think that everyone will accept me or that everything will turn out right. I believe that I won't always be think this way. To the world, being negative and mad is silly, stupid and just wanting pity. Wanting people to feel sorry for you but it not like that. I just want out of here. I never have much to say online. I kinda want to keep things private but still want to have my feelings express to the world. I'm in the process of finally getting a camera and want to make alot of youtube videos. Maybe I can get fame from that or really just do it for fun. Well, I'm back to Simming. | | |
| Dwelling life is just getting more and more unbearable. I have a nervous feeling in my stomach that something is going to happen. Something that isn't going to be good. Whatever it is, I hope it isn't deadly...*sigh* | | |
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